About a year and a half ago I had the opportunity to take a leave from my job and move to England with my family and what I learned during the past year and a half will stay with me forever.

Let me start about seven years ago when I had Elizabeth, my oldest daughter.  I was working at a car dealership as a manager in marketing and then used cars.  When Elizabeth was born I took four months off work and upon going back, became the general manager of the dealership (that is a whole different story).  I found it hard to find care for Elizabeth and finally ended up having a friend from high school watch her two days a week and my sister helped out the other two days a week.   I went back to work during the winter so of course we ended up having our bouts of sickness during the first few months and that is when the guilt began to set in.  I felt bad about missing work if I needed to and would feel awful if I had to leave Elizabeth while she was sick.  Luckily, I had a job where I could work an adjusted schedule and my husband would help out by coming home early some days so I could go to work or stay late.  It’s a give and take on everyone’s part and I ended up feeling like I was never giving 100% as I was before.

At the time, I needed to travel a little bit for work and also for Phi Mu.  While away, I would miss Elizabeth terribly and felt like I was missing out on things with her; yet I had a strong desire to continue to work and donate my time to Phi Mu.  Many people did not understand what I was doing, including my mother-in-law and my own mother.  They felt that I was burning the candle at both ends and when I chose to be a mother I should stay at home.  My mother-in-law stayed at home with her children and I think this impacted her view that I should be at home too.  I thought I could do both and I still had the drive to do more.

Three years after Elizabeth was born we had Alexandra.  At this point I took only four weeks off work and when I went back we started Elizabeth in school.  We had moved to a new house and switched our daycare situation to an in-home daycare that had 6 children.  Elizabeth and Alexandra went four days a week, but on my lunch hour I would drive to get Elizabeth and take her to school everyday.  I would schedule meetings, talk on my mobile phone, and multi-task to make it happen, but somehow I did that for a year and a half.  At the time I thought I was doing the right thing and doing it really well.  Looking back I am not sure how it all worked. 

Fridays were my day off, but I would end up on email and the phone with work for most of the day.  I can remember being at the swimming pool with Alexandra and floating on an inner tube while talking on the phone to work about a vehicle that had been stolen and thinking “What am I doing?”  I still thought it was the best for my kids because I enjoyed working and loved the time I had with them.  I remember wishing though that it was a cleaner break – when I was with my kids it was a 100% and when I was at work it was 100% - and it never feels that way. 

In July 2007 my husband and I were offered an opportunity by Ford Motor Company to move to England for an 18 month assignment.  The assignment meant I would take a leave from my job and we would move over as a family and I would be a “stay at home mom.”  I was really looking forward to the break.  I felt like we were running on empty in a high pressure situation with both of us working and the two kids. 

We arrived in England in mid-October 2007 and have been here ever since.  I was really looking forward to driving the girls to school every day and having time with them.  I was a bit concerned that I would become bored, but thought 18 months is a good amount of time for a break.  We have been here 18 months and I am loving it and I’m not ready to come home yet.  Funny how things change…

When we first arrived Elizabeth was in school everyday.  Alexandra was home with me and I was struggling to find things to do with her on a daily basis.  We’d go to swimming lessons, a music class, and the library for fun events on a weekly basis.  When Alexandra napped I enjoyed a little break, and when we went to pick Elizabeth up from school I found myself really enjoying the time at home to find out how her day went and the chance to do homework together.  In the past the evenings were a crazy time of wondering what to fix for dinner, how to get everyone fed and bathed and, oh yeah, homework.  Now I was able to plan for dinner and create a calm time where we ate dinner as a family, took baths and went to bed with a feeling of peace versus the chaotic times we had in the States.  I really like eating as a family and finding out how everyone’s day went and not stressing about how are we going to get everyone in bed by 7 o’clock.

In the fall of 2007 I became pregnant and had our son Jack in June 2008.  Alexandra started school in April so I was able to have a few months of relaxing time during the day before Jack arrived.  I found myself able to do all the things I wished to accomplish before, but never got to.  Things like clean out the toy boxes and closets and putting pictures in photo albums – finally!!  In England the children go to school till mid-July so I was able to drive the girls to school and come home and spend time with Jack.  I did not have to check my email or get on my phone like in the past on maternity leave and that feeling was such a huge relief.

Having three kids adds a sense of chaos all on its’ own and I find myself wondering how I would work if we were back in the states.  All that said I can’t get rid of that inner desire and need to go back to work.  Working is not easy for anyone, but it gave me a sense of purpose beyond my children that I enjoy.  I think my children benefit from that happiness that I have when I work.  That said there is a greater balance that I did not achieve in the past that I hope to achieve in the future.  I have been blessed to be able to try both – work and stay at home – for me, working is something I enjoy and would like to go back to.  I have found that everyone has his own opinion on the subject, but be true to yourself and your kids will be loved in the best way you can and that is all that matters.